I am not a feminist. Don’t be mad at me, cause I figure you might be irritated or not understand. So let me explain…
Last Thursday I was engaged in a heartfelt debate with some friends on whether or not I am a feminist. They could not believe that I do not call myself a feminist, and almost seemed offended. I told them that I have the tell tale signs of feminism. I believe men and women should have an equal status, I support all of the issues that they (as feminists) support, and I even own a pair of Birkenstocks. I just don’t like the label.
Their perspective is that it is important for me to take on the label in order to claim more members to the ultimate women’s club. That we have come so far with feminism and we cannot let the momentum die down just because sometimes it seems that there is already equality for men and women.
Their explanations were convincing but I still held my ground. I agree that there is value in a women’s movement that has the capacity to inspire its members. I understand that me taking on the label as a feminist can remedy potential negative stigmas. And I think that it is important to keep pushing women’s rights.
When I was growing up, my parents always told me that I can do whatever I want to do with my life, as long as I try hard and put in a lot of effort. I do not have a recollection of being told I cannot do something because I am female. I believe that individuals can achieve their goals if they try really hard, and have personal determination. I think that the best way to achieve equal women’s rights is if every woman sets her personal goals and tries to make them happen. Instead of bitching about your mathematics professor being sexist towards the females in the class—study twice as hard as you normally would and get the best grade in the class. I do not think the best way to gain equality from a majority group is to demand respect. Command respect for yourself, and show them the reason that they are wrong through positive actions that they will want to support. The reason why I am not a feminist is because I think the movement can be antagonistic toward men, instead of about individual encouragement for women.
I know that I am lucky to be born into privilege and that has shaped many of my opinions. I know that some people do not have the means to see results from merely putting in a lot of effort. Perhaps that is a problem with idealism… I would not be surprised if my opinions on feminism changed in a year from now, and then I will consider myself a feminist. I am open to the possibility. But for now I am not a feminist, and I have my reasons.
I’m with you on the fact that feminism is antagonistic to men and I think it is important that as a movement it retains a sense of humor (hence the jokes I constantly crack in class about people getting other people sandwiches etc). However ya lost me at “study twice as hard as you normally would and get the best grade in the class.” Do you acknowledge that just because you don’t have a dick you have to study twice as hard? And despite your studying hard if your professor IS truly a sexist, I think it won’t matter and the girls that come after you will still get screwed over. To me THAT’S what feminism is all about. It’s about seeing what’s happening and making strides for the girls and women that are coming after you. I think feminism doesn’t HAVE to be about antagonizing men. It CAN and SHOULD be about building women up. We all contest parts of the labels we assign ourselves because there’s no pure way to do stuff (I call myself feminist and wear pink and shave my legs and arm pits and like when my boyfriend buys me dinner). So no, I’m not mad at you I just hope that by rejecting the title you aren’t antagonizing feminists to save from antagonizing men. You work towards equality in your own way, and we will too.
I agree that the term ‘feminist’ does have a certain stereotype that goes with it, but I think it is this stereotype that needs to be fought against by women who simply want equality. Women who take no joy in antagonizing men need to show that they hold feminist beliefs too. I understand why you wouldn’t want to take the tag of ‘feminist’, but to be honest it doesn’t matter what you call yourself, it is more about the fact that you do believe in the progress of women in society and equal respect to all.